There Will Be Joy by Arianna Shanks-Hill

By this point, my story is well known. Everyone knows that I have experienced domestic violence and the way that it has impacted me. You know about my advocacy and my passion and you’ve seen my posts. You know the warning signs of abuse, how to get help, what triggers are and how they can occur, what resources are available; you even know my answers to some pretty personal questions. But today let’s talk about the things that can occur after abuse. Let’s talk about the hope and the joy that are waiting on the other side of an abusive relationship. 

When I was 15, 16, 17, I thought my abusive relationship was going to last forever. I thought that was what my life was going to be like. Miserable, hurting, confused, afraid. It didn’t seem like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. So this post is for that girl, and for anyone else that thinks their abuse is all there is to life. 

There is so much joy coming. You will laugh until your stomach hurts, and smile so big you think your face will freeze that way. You will make friends who wrap you in kindness, love, and support. You will reconnect with all the people you were isolated from for so long; they missed you dearly and will welcome you back with open arms. You will be respected, adored, and uplifted by the people around you. You will be taken care of and treated with compassion. No one will treat you like a victim or a burden. There are people who want to understand what you’ve been through to help you work through it, so they can love you to the best of their ability. 

You will find things that bring you joy again. You will find your old hobbies that used to bring you to life and they will fulfill you all over again. You’ll try new things and create a capacity for love and light that you never knew was attainable. You’ll rediscover yourself and realize you love her so dearly. You will regain the ability to fail without allowing it to label you a failure. Your confidence will come back, as will your lust for life. You will find unimaginable strength as well as an incomparable gentleness that separates you from your abuser with a gap they can never close. 

You will experience days that are completely free from trauma triggers and reminders of your abuser. It will be so beautiful, and you won’t even realize it. There will be days when you do experience triggers, and you will fight through them with such tenacity and grace. These heavier days will be even more beautiful than your lighter days. 

All of this to say that there is hope and joy on its way to you. The beauty around you will no longer fade while you exist in survival mode. You will be vibrant and full of life and give love so freely that you shine as a light to everyone around you. 

You can look through these pictures and see the joy in my face. You can see how the light has come back to my eyes and how genuine my smile is. The girl you see in this post is a stranger to the girl I was at 15, which is simultaneously amazing and tragic. I wish 15 year old me knew what was coming for her. I wish anyone experiencing abuse knew how promising their future is. 

It took me a long time to get to the other side of all that the abuse did to me. I muddled through the anger and the pain and the fear and did everything I could to find the light. I still have a long way to go, and healing is never linear. Although I know I will never be able to go back to the person I used to be, I am so proud of the person I have fought to become. 

It has been a beautiful fight; it still is. 

You can never go back and undo what was done, but you can find hope in the fact that you can rebuild yourself into a person that is untouchable. 

If you’re not sure that there is a life on the other side of your abuse, and that fear keeps you from leaving, this is your sign. There is hope and joy and love waiting for you. There are people waiting to care for you. There are places that stand still until you walk in. Everything you’re wanting exists on the other side of that fear. Let hope give you the courage to fight for a better life.