My First 24 Hours

By Hannah Karki

Hi guys, know you missed me, and welcome back to another blog post. If you don’t already know me, I am Hannah Karki, a local Vermonter studying music education with a double minor of psychology and special education at the University of Vermont, and I am also your reigning Teen Petite USA and former Teen New England Petite. 

Today, I would like to talk to you about the emotions behind winning and what my life looked like after I won in that 24 hour period.

I’m going to be completely honest, winning is a blur. I can remember placing Top 5 and almost falling over from pride and excitement. I remember waiting to be called as a runner up, and not hearing my name, but everytime one was called I would move, since I am so used to being one from my past. 

I remember being shocked not placing third, and standing in the center of the stage and thinking to myself, what is happening. My interview was a blur, it felt like my on stage question just came out with no thoughts, and I was quite lost for words at this point. I was already crying because I was proud of getting to the place I was. 

I think I almost fell over when I was called the winner. One, I was telling the girl in front of me it was all her, ready to take the 1st runner up with pride. Two, I was on so much caffeine my body just gave in since I didn’t sleep at all. And three, I saw my favorite girl, Cassie, sobbing in the crowd when I won. 

I remember standing there, holding her hands, and thinking about how far I had come from the beginning of this journey. 

4 years ago, 14 year old Hannah didn’t even know what mascara was, let alone how to walk in 6 inch heels, what an evening gown was, or how to straighten my hair. I competed in my first pageant with no experience, a dress I was borrowing from a former queen, and heels I didn’t know how to correctly walk in. I remember practically running across the stage, so fast that they couldn’t even photograph me correctly. I remember looking back at the photos and my family telling me how fast I walked. 

Over the next year, I found a coach, grounded my interview skills, and suddenly got bangs, which I highly don’t recommend. I found my purpose, which was my platform, Safespace, and expanded my knowledge of cosmetic artistry, as well as my walking skills and style choices. 

In 2022, I placed 3rd place, my first ever placement in a pageant. I felt so accomplished that all my hard work had finally brought me to a place where my work was being seen and understood. I quickly rebounded, and got ready to compete again in November of 2022, where I placed 2nd place in my third pageant. 

All of these moments created the woman who was standing in the top two, with all of the younger versions of herself cheering her on. We had outdone what our younger self could have dreamed of. Winning New England was enough in itself. I never thought I could win a national pageant as a 5 foot 2 woman of color. All the battles the younger version of me went through felt final when I didn’t hear my name as first runner up. 

I remember looking around and screaming. I saw my pageant Mom, Cassie, practically flop over in her seat, my director Leah sobbing, and my family all crying. I remember looking around and thinking, this can’t be real, I am going to wake up in a minute and it will be finals day all over again. I remember Faith Claire, the previous Teen Petite USA, telling me to squat down so she could crown me because I had no idea what to do. I remember grabbing Kira, the Miss Petite USA’s hand while I was being crowned because I couldn’t stop shaking and flailing around. 

As they snapped photos of me, I remember hearing, “Take your first walk”’, which turned more into a hobble across the stage because I had cried so much I couldn't see the stage in front of me. 

Then, I was sent backstage to get my hair and makeup touched up. I remember I kept crying in between them fixing my face. I was put back on stage to meet my new sisters, Angelica, Victoria, Lafaye, and Amy Jo. I remember thinking about smacking myself because it still didn’t feel real. I had the worst headache imaginable, and I remember looking at the judges and mouthing, thank you. 

We took our official crowning photos and top 5 photos on the stage, and I remember immediately jumping off the stage in my 6 inch heels,(don't try this at home), and hugging Cassie and my family. I remember taking photos with my New England Petite family, and then top 5 photos. 

Then, we were all taken to get our official photos done. I remember when I was waiting for my hair and makeup, I had 6 zillion texts from all different social media apps, I had to stop notifications on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and even Messenger. I kept my text messages on, and I am grateful I did. I remember seeing a text pop up from my best friend, and it was a video of four of my close friends watching my win. They all started jumping up and down and screaming. I remember I started to sob, (this was the 14th time of the night), and my makeup and hair artist gave me a minute to breathe because I was so grateful for the relationships I had made. 

I remember sitting there, and thinking this was all a dream. We had our hair and makeup done by the amazing Just Right Cosmetics, and our photos taken by the incredible Magic Dreams Productions, or Matty. I felt like I was walking on a cloud, wearing the crown and the sash felt like a daydream I was going to wake up from. I remember taking the crown and sash shots and the group shots and wondering how a 12 year old me would feel if I told her we would become a national titleholder one day, inspiring the next generation of petite women that being who you are is all you need to succeed. 

I remember trying to go to sleep after I won, at 1 am, knowing I had to wake up in a few hours to catch my flight to go home. I couldn’t stop thinking about how this is what I have been waiting for. I remember thinking how I would have missed all of this journey if I had followed through with my attempt when I was 12 years old. 

This journey has truly made me feel like I have a purpose. I think that was the thing I struggled with years ago. Knowing that I had a place on this Earth, with a plan to succeed in being who I was. I spent too much time trying to fulfill everyone else’s dreams for me, when I didn’t know what I truly wanted to do with my life. Now, I know that I want to be a positive figure for humans across the world, showing that their battle with mental health doesn't have to define who they are, and that their beginning to themselves is just starting, as well as inspiring young women of color to follow what their heart truly desires. If you got it, you got it. 

All in all, your journey is something to be proud of, even if you feel embarrassed by it. You don’t know who is struggling around you, and how your story could affect others watching you. Every single person on this Earth has an experience, talent, or expertise that makes them important, no matter if they know it or not. 

Never doubt yourself, because you are going in the right direction, I promise. Keep fighting for you and who you are always. 

If you haven’t told someone how important they are to you today, go tell them! 

With love and gratitude always,

 
Your friend,

Han

Hannah Karki
Teen Petite USA and Teen New England Petite USA 2024

Photo Credits: Matty Jacobson, Slay Your Moment Photography

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Hannah Karki is the current Miss Teen Petite USA. Follow her on her title's Instagram and website. 

Follow the link for her other Section 36 Forevers Guest Blogs.

Perseverance, Dedication, and Authenticity – Lessons & Life After the Crown

It’s almost impossible to encompass a decade-long journey into a few paragraphs in a world as complex as pageant land. But there are a few noteworthy moments, experiences, and lessons learned that ultimately shaped the life I have today. As cliché as it sounds, the little things make the biggest impact — the few seconds you have to yourself while waiting in the wings backstage, the smiles on children’s faces when you wave from a car during a parade, and the times where you experience a lesson so profound you can’t help but decide to change your life accordingly. 

Like many women, I started as a shy, bright-eyed preteen. My parents were worried that I might never be comfortable talking to strangers or even making a simple phone call to schedule an appointment. Pageants were something I only saw on TV growing up — a world that felt like an unattainable fantasy. Every year, my mom and I would clear our calendars, cozy up on the couch, and cheer on our favorites during the Miss America broadcast — a foreshadowing of how small seeds can grow into something much bigger.

You can imagine the excitement and disbelief when a letter arrived in the mail, inviting me to an open call to potentially compete in a pageant. A real-life pageant?! Funny enough, my mom thought it was a scam. It was my dad who did a few quick searches and said, “she has to do this.” The rest is history.

Throughout those ten years competing, pageantry truly saw all the highs and lows of a young woman growing up year after year. Through wins and, more often, losses, there were a few lessons that became cornerstones of my life. Most importantly, these are the lessons I instill in my clients today. 

1. Dedication is the foundation of success, not the result. 

2. Persevere. There will inevitably be losses, moments that sting, and times where you question yourself entirely. If you have a dream that you can’t stop thinking about, persevere anyways. 

3. Authenticity wins. Every time. And I don’t just mean during your competitions. 

I’ve always said pageants are one of the few things that challenges and encompasses every part of a person. I like to emphasize not only to my clients but every young woman in pageantry – women aren’t necessarily “good at pageants.” As such an incredibly subjective competition, it’s not like scoring a touchdown and knowing you’ll get six points. Pageants are like scoring a touchdown and not knowing if the referee will award you three points instead. However, the women who do excel in the pageant world have worked on all these other parts of themselves and just so happen to showcase their growth through pageants. 

Communication, confidence, poise, worldly knowledge, style, mindset, public speaking, and so much more. When you pour yourself into bettering your life outside of the pageant world, your success within it becomes obvious. 

Now, sitting on the other side of the table as a coach, these lessons have never been more apparent or important. I see so many young women frustrated or confused by the pageant industry and my goal is always to be that guidance and clarity I felt I needed. Everyone deserves a support system they love and can trust. 

I began mentoring and coaching a few years before I became Miss Wisconsin. During my year of serving the state, I was grateful to have even more opportunities to lead and mentor young women. It has been not only fulfilling, but an absolute joy to officially create a business that is dedicated to empowering women. There is truly no better feeling. 

Lila Hui Consulting was founded on the idea that your success doesn’t end when you give up your crown. Our focus is to give you the tools to land that dream job, have your dream career, and get that life-changing scholarship. While we will always support you in getting that dream title, our success comes when you are able to use those life long skills after your crowning days are over. 

I will forever be grateful for my time competing – not because it brought me a few sparkly hats, but because of the lessons, the love, the tools, the skills, and the community that I will have in my life forever. 

Stay dedicated, stay gracious, persevere always. Never be afraid of being “the first” and remember that being authentic always wins, even if it doesn’t feel that way at first. Stay true to yourself, your style, your experiences, your goals, surround yourself with people who support your journey, and most importantly, bet on yourself. 

-Lila Hui Szyryj

Lila Hui Consulting

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From Stage to Scorecard: Navigating the Emotions of Competition, Loss, and Understanding the Judging Process

In my last blog post, I briefly touched on my experiences with loss and self acceptance. I recently just came back from San Antonio, Texas, from judging the Texas Petite Pageant, where over 40 girls competed for a chance at winning 5 different state titles based off of their age group. Most of the women who competed didn’t walk away with a title. Today, I would like to dive deeper into the emotions behind losing a pageant and where to go, my personal experiences, and how judging a pageant helped me understand how judging can be just as stressful as competing. 

I think we have all had the shared emotion of feeling like you aren’t enough. It comes and goes, and in pageants, it is especially known when you are a runner up, small placement, or more. Especially when you put the effort in but don’t get the end result you were looking for. 

For me, this happened my sophomore year of highschool. I was so emotionally tied to who I was with a crown. I remember listening to my coaches and my friends and hearing how hard I had worked for the title I was competing for. I remember putting in the work for an hour or an hour and a half every night walking in 6 inch heels for evening gown and sneakers for athletic wear. I remember recording myself walking over and over again, watching my movements, facial expressions, poses, and the time it took me to get from place to place. 

I remember the pride I had when I was competing and feeling like I was ready to conquer the stage before me. As you can tell, that didn’t happen. I ended up performing the worst I had ever performed, because of over exhaustion and stress. I had put too much stress on winning and over planned every little detail. I didn’t eat the whole day because I thought it would help me look skinnier, and in the end it hindered my chances of winning forever. 

Driving back that night, I remember being with my friends in the car and telling them I was done with pageants forever. The stress and anxiety they had caused me had finally broken me physically and mentally. I felt broken, displaced, and embarrassed. All my hard work didn’t show up on stage, and instead made me feel worthless. 

I remember going through all of my clothing and throwing it out, cleaning my room of all my shoes and sashes, and putting them in a box under my bed, hoping to not look at them again. 

I took a year off of pageants, celebrating who I was without a crown and finding who Hannah really is. That included traveling the country, finding new hobbies like music, writing, and exploring and adventuring. That left more room to do self care, including meditation, yoga, and self affirmations. I gained more social groups and established close relationships with my friends, feeling like I truly had people to lean on. I gained the sense of belonging that I was missing. I felt stable enough to try at love again, and the world opened up to me. 

That time gave me an understanding of who I was, and a deeper “why” into why I do pageants. My reason is to help people and to inspire people to be who they are. 

With that knowledge, I signed up to compete for Teen New England Petite in April of 2023, with the competition being in March of 2024. I gave myself time to work my walk, my interview skills, and my overall vision of myself. 

When the competition finally rolled around, I knew I was doing it because I wanted to round out my last year of competing, and give myself the shot of redemption I needed. 

The same situation happened at Petite USA, with a slight twist. I realized I wanted to give it my best shot about a month before competition, and told my coach and directors at the send off party for New England Petite. Sorry guys, I definitely should have thought about it earlier!

All the emotions of feeling like I wasn’t enough washed away when I was competing, because I knew my story of who I was is powerful and my love for helping people would stay even if I didn’t win. What I think we need to realize is the crown helps your story reach people, it shouldn’t give you the story that you are trying to shape. You should be using the crown as a megaphone for your platform and who you are to inspire others, not to regain your self worth, because you’ll still be the same person with or without the crown and have the same experiences to go far. 

Judging in Texas helped me understand how far that really goes. I was SO nervous to judge because I am only 18 and just a girl, but I also was scared I wasn’t qualified for the job. Sure, this was my 6th pageant when I won, but I wasn’t sure if girls would take me seriously because I am younger. I remember sitting in the bathroom before interviews and having to take a deep breath and tell myself everything is going to be okay, because I was really worried. 

That wasn't the case at all, and the interview part of the competition was my favorite. I loved being able to hear everyone’s why, and how their stories impacted their lives and what they do in their communities. I had to take a minute after interviews to just take in all the information I had learned about these 40 something women and smile, because I am so honored to represent a system that truly inspires women to get out into their communities and find a purpose. 

Then the final show, swim and evening gown, as well as the onstage question, and then crowning. 

I learned how hard it is to try to pick between contestants and their stories. Some of their stories truly rocked my core and inspired me to look deeper into myself. There were so many powerful stories, and it made me understand why judging is nerve wracking. 

I remember whenever I would place 2nd place or 3rd place that I would feel like I wasn’t enough or even close. But after judging, I realized how hard it is to choose between people. I remember giving .5s and .7s on scores, and I didn’t even know who was going to win because it was so close in some categories. 

I think my advice I would give to anyone competing is to not give up. You will have your moment, whether it's next month, next year, or 10 years from now. The journey through pageantry is all about your self growth as a person. Waiting on a miracle won’t help your dreams come true, hard work and determination will help you succeed. Never give up on who you are because you are still growing in pageants, but also as a person. Give yourself time to take a step back, breathe, and really evaluate who you are as a person. 

The road through self love is twisty, turning, and always never ending. You can’t wait for a crown to give to you, you have to go out and find it. And that is not to say there will be good and bad days. Sometimes, I don’t like myself some days, other days, I love myself and I love how I look. It is the cycle we call life. But, we shouldn’t let it deter us from being who we truly, authentically are. 

If you haven’t told someone you loved them today, go give them a hug, and tell them how much you care for them.

See you next blog post (duh!)

Your Teen Petite USA 2024 and friend,

Han

Hannah Karki 

Coming Back and Climbing Higher by Arianna Shanks-Hill

Domestic violence awareness month ended in October, but advocacy is a full time job that transcends a calendar. I’ve spent a lot of my life thinking about my experiences with domestic violence; how it’s shaped me, the person I could have been if I hadn't had those experiences, how to prevent it from happening to anyone else. Many of my advocacy efforts involve education and detailed warnings for what signs of intimate partner violence and domestic violence to look out for (for adults, teenagers, and parents on their children’s behalf). I’ve told my story in an effort to educate others on the severity of the situation, and in hopes that other survivors can find community and solace in a girl with a story to tell and a determination to change the world for everyone like her. For a very long time I thought that doing just that would be enough, and that I could make those changes by making people feel connected to me and passionate about helping others like me.

As it turns out though, it’s not enough to provide resources and escape plans and a support system for those affected, or to attempt to invoke empathy from those around you. As it turns out, there will never be tangible change or a future that looks different if there is no hope. The most powerful thing I can do is create hope: for survivors and their futures, and for the communities who want to make a difference. The truth of the matter is that my life after abuse is just as, if not more important, of a story to tell. It tells survivors who identify with me that their life is not over at the hands of someone else, and it tells bystanders that their participation in advocacy helps create certain, beautiful futures. It gives them a tangible effect to believe in. It tells them that their work means something, and that standing with survivors will always be worth it.

 
I tend to have bad days every once in a while, as we all do, and I have the very common experience of what I like to call a “survivor spiral”. In my experience, I start to think about how unfair it is that I have to live with the effects of someone else’s actions. I start to wonder who I would be, and how I would be different if I had never walked through that dark time in my life. It’s a slippery slope and once those moments begin, it's hard to stop them and I tend to find myself in the middle of a panic attack or breakdown. Today though, in the midst of the thoughts of how unfair abuse is, I also realized that there has not been a single moment in the past 2 years where I have not felt loved. And that is exactly what I want to tell you about. The truth of it all is that it IS unfair. It’s heartbreaking and anger-inducing and devastating. But how will we know how beautiful the constellations of stars are if we’ve never walked through the dark? How will we know exactly how to connect with survivors and enact change if we’ve never shared similar experiences? I cannot change the events of my past, but I can walk forward with my head held high, knowing that the person that I have become is cloaked in unimaginable strength and incomparable gentleness that separates me from my abuser with a gap he will never be able to close. When you are brave enough to walk away from what is familiar, and step into the unknown in hopes of a better life, you will find yourself rewarded with more beautiful things than you have ever thought possible. One of my very favorite quotes is this: 
“People speak of hope as if it is this delicate, ephemeral thing made of whispers and spider’s webs. It’s not. Hope has dirt on her face, blood on her knuckles, the grit of the cobblestones in her hair, and just spat out a tooth as she rises for another go.”
Hope has not and will never be an easy thing. It is an action verb that takes the utmost determination and strength to carry out. Over the past few years, I’ve learned through experience that it will always be worth it to take that leap, even if you have to take it while uncertain and scared. Knowing this, and knowing that that is always easier said than done, I want to give you some tangible evidence of what a beautiful, worthy, abuse-free future looks like. 

This August, I moved into my very first apartment with two of my best friends in the entire world. My dad drove an hour and a half to move me in, and put together all of my furniture for me, and took me grocery shopping before he hugged me goodbye and told me how proud he was. I decorated my room exactly to my tastes. I bought a baby pink toaster, and set up my pink Keurig on my kitchen counter. I get to sit on my balcony in the mornings and watch the sun rise, or stand out there and listen to the rain hit the pavement. I created a space that is all my own, covered in dinosaur paraphernalia and girly pink decorations: all things I had previously been made fun of for, or made to feel bad about. I get to come home to a place that has never been marked by violence, or by fighting, or my fear-filled tears praying for something more than the position I was in. 
I met the girls I now live with when I was a freshman in college, still unsure of who I was or how I deserved to be treated. I somehow stumbled into this friendship unsuspecting, and we quickly became an inseparable trio. It is a wonderfully beautiful thing to have them as friends, because I know that I will never have to walk through anything alone. The true test of friendship is finding people who will accept you and love you on the best and the worst days of your life. I got to come home to them when I was crowned Miss Tippecanoe 2025, and I got to come home to them when I failed my first chemistry test. They make me laugh until my stomach hurts, and will sit with me in silence until I'm ready to talk. They have never viewed me as broken, or unworthy, or “too much” to deal with. They love all the pieces of me, including the ones I'm still trying to pick up on behalf of 15-year-old me. To find your village is the best future you can hope for.

I started my junior year of college this year, and I get to spend my days learning from some of the best kinesiology professors in the country. How privileged am I to get to walk with friends to class, sit with and share notes with them, share my joy with them. How privileged am I to sit in a classroom and learn how to help the people around me. I’m ¾ of the way through a bachelor's degree, and I am lucky enough to have one more year of undergrad to be exhausted from studying all night, to be stressed about an exam, to eat terrible cafeteria food. What a joy it is to live out a dream you prayed for over and over. 

In June, I went to Miss Indiana 2024 as Miss Heart of the Midwest. I was nominated as a Joy of Life finalist, an award given for community service and the impact on the people around you. I was given a space to tell my story, and to talk about the girl I've been, the girl I am, and the girl I will be. The whole week was full of memories, love, sisterhood, and joy. I never would have guessed that any of these experiences would be part of my story, but I am so grateful that they are. Pageantry as a whole has brought me so much love, but to get here I had to trust that hope would carry me through. 

Last November I met my wonderful partner, who I am convinced is an angel on earth, and who quickly redefined what I knew love to be. The scars of an abusive relationship will probably always be there, but she loves me regardless, as the whole person that I am. She learned my triggers, and learned how to make me feel loved, and prioritized my joy and safety. I’ve laughed more in the past 12 months than I ever have before. We have coffee dates, and study dates, and spend our days finding adventures to embark on together. I've had to buy multiple new vases because she brings me flowers so often I ran out of clean mason jars to put them in. All of these things are to say that if you start to believe that all you deserve is abusive, manipulative “love”, take my word for it that your brain is lying to you, and that there is a future full of love ahead. There is love out there that does not encompass violence. There is love out there that perpetuates kindness and respect, even within anger. There is love out there that will teach you that not all anger accompanies a fist. There is love out there that will teach you what it's truly supposed to feel like to be cared for; that won't make you cry, and builds you up instead of breaking you down. 

My partner and I even have a beautiful puppy, a sweet girl named Blue. She is my tiny shadow, my companion, and brings me more joy than I even knew I had the capacity for. She is a reminder that there is hope and joy waiting in the form of unexpected experiences, people, animals, feelings, places. Just because you can’t imagine it doesn't mean it isn't waiting for you. All of these things probably seem so frivolous, but to me they are my little pockets of joy. How refreshing it is to have a place to belong; a place where I am wanted and celebrated. How refreshing it is to hear my abusers voice in my head and be able to say “you were wrong. I did it all, and I built a life that is all mine”. How beautiful it is to savor these moments, on behalf of that sweet 15 year old who wasn’t sure if she would live to see 18. I get to have a calm, peaceful, completely uninterrupted life of my own. That is a dream that most survivors do not ever get to live. Some women never make it out. So I sit here today, in my very own apartment, with my beautiful friends, loving family, sweet puppy, and perfect partner, completely full of gratitude. Gratitude for the women who carried my hope for me until I was brave enough to carry it myself. Gratitude for every woman who came before me, and lit the way for survivors everywhere to build a life of their own. It’s my turn to carry the torch. 

My life now is beautiful because I made it that way; because the people around me encouraged me to never settle. Because I found the strength to trust hope and trust love just one more time. If you cannot find that strength alone, please let me lend you some of mine. Heaven knows I didn't get here alone. 
If you take anything away from all of this, let it be this: Do not trust the part of your brain that is familiar with pain and suffering. Do not let it tell you that your life is over. Do not let it tell you that this is all there will ever be. Do not let it decide your future for you. 

You are entirely up to you. No other person’s actions will ever define you, and there is no experience that disqualifies you from being deserving of a love that is safe, secure, and respectful. Allow yourself to make room for unknown joy, and trust the tiny spark of hope in your heart that is whispering to you that a better life is out there. And, when you feel brave enough, take a step forward and seek out the life you deserve; it is waiting for you, whenever you're ready.

The New Reigning Teen Petite USA is a first for Vermont in over 50 years, and has a lot to say when it comes to her success.

Photo: Matty Jacobsen

Hi everyone! My name is Hannah Karki, and I am your reigning Teen Petite USA 2024. I am from Essex Junction, Vermont, and I am the first girl to hold the national title in Vermont, and I am the first national title holder Vermont has had since 1955. I wanted to talk to you about my background story with pageants, my background as a person, and what pageants truly mean to me. 

I started doing pageants when I was 14 years old. I saw an ad for a pageant and I thought to myself, oh this could be fun! I never imagined my life would flip upside-down in a quick four year period. When I started pageants, I was severely depressed and I hated who I was as a person. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and I wouldn’t go anywhere without makeup because I was so deeply insecure about who I was. When I was training for pageants, I had no idea what I was doing or where it was going to lead me, but I wanted to try. 

At my first pageant, I didn’t place at all. I would say it is the worst performance I have had in my life, but it gave me the smack in the face I needed to want to come back and try again. I started being coached and I also opened up my incredible non-profit and platform, SafeSpaceSuicidePrevention. Safespace was created from my own experiences of my mental health journey. I think the one thing that stayed consistent when I was depressed is I felt like I had no one to look up to, so I created Safespace as a way for others to open up about their feelings in a Safespace to someone who wanted to help them. It also is a place full of mental health resources, therapists, and guides to mental health. Creating a safe haven for those who were struggling with their mental health is a way of me giving back to those who saved me from feeling alone, and giving me light back into my life. 

As Safespace gained traction, so did my pageant career. I worked with companies to create T-shirt drives, field trips and even working as a camp counselor and speaking about my non-profit to give back to my community. While that was happening, I was consistently training for pageants everyday, and hopefully waiting for my turn to be crowned. 

Photo: Matty Jacobsen

I don’t think I realized how deep I was until my last pageant in 2023. This was the last time I competed before I “retired” from pageants. It felt like the world was against me. I had put so much training and hours into my community service, only to place 2nd or 1st. I remember finally placing 3rd place at a pageant, and I gave up. I was so severely depressed in who I was, and I was ashamed of my career and who I was as a person. I felt like I was nothing without a crown. I realized that I needed to take a break for my mental health and physical health, which meant kissing pageants goodbye, (which as you can tell, didn’t happen). 

I took a full year off from 2023-2024, my junior to senior year of high school, and let me tell you, I did everything. I tried every experience I could to embrace something new. I tackled a bunch of new different things, I traveled to multiple different places in the country, like Utah and Colorado. I started to learn to follow my heart, and I realized I wanted to be a music teacher. I taught in 3 classrooms my senior year, working as a teacher’s assistant, and worked with students of all different agendas and personalities. I got highlights, (how funny), and got really good at styling hair. I fell in love, became even closer with my friends, and I got back into the groove of loving who I was as a person. 

That summer, I learned about the Petite USA system when I flew to Chicago to watch one of my favorite people compete in the national pageant. I was in awe of how all the girls were so happy with each other, and how strong the sisterhood truly was. With a lot of back and forth, I started training again that fall and signed up for the New England Petite Pageant system, for Teen New England Petite. 

Photo Nataschas Photography

When the pageant rolled around, I was just doing it to round off my years of competing. I had no idea I was going to win, and when I did, I think I was the most shocked person in the room. Even though I was training, I was training a lot less than I was before, and I also picked a wardrobe that was very simple. My gown that I won in had no sparkle and looked more like a traditional wedding dress. But it showed through who I was, and I won the title Teen New England Petite in March of 2024. 

After I won, I realized I was going to have to compete again nationally. I honestly wasn’t sure if I was good enough to win a national title, so I honestly avoided talking about winning until a month before the pageant with my coach and my director, Leah. I slowly realized that this was my once in a lifetime shot, so I took it. 

I trained everyday in heels for swim and gown, and I worked very hard on my onstage question. Me and onstage questions have beef, because usually by the end of the pageant, I am too tired to think of a solid answer to answer the question, so I was really worried the same thing was going to happen to me again. But I worked on it in the month I had, and then got on a plane to Chicago for Petite USA. 

Photo: Nataschas Photography

I was really nervous going and I had some really chaotic moments while in Chicago. I was going through a recent break up and getting ready to head to college while watching myself transform as a person. I remember sobbing my eyes out after my interview in my hotel room because I was so exhausted from everything happening around me. Whenever I was stressed out,  I would go to my directors, Leah and Sarah, and talk with them about how worried I was, and they were always there to listen and hear me when I was at my worst. 

Once it was finals day, I was so exhausted. I was on three celsius, which I know is very unhealthy, and I was anxiously waiting to see who would make the top 10. I was so nervous about my performance and interview from the previous day, that when my name was called first, I jumped for joy. 

Then, I re-competed, and waited patiently to see who made the top 5. By this point, I was exhausted from being up at 4 am for hair and makeup, so I was getting pretty emotional. I couldn’t stop thinking and asking people how I did and if they thought I made it to the top 5. 

I remember standing there and hearing my name called for top 5 and almost bursting out into tears because I was so stressed. I had waited 4 years for this moment, and then came the dreaded onstage question. I remember standing there before I heard my question and thinking to myself, oh my god, I don’t know if I can do this. I was so shaky, my legs were crossed underneath my dress, it was a whole situation, but when I heard my question for the second time, I knew exactly what to say. I could feel 12 years old me watching my growth and my journey, and I knew the little girl I was is so proud of the person I am today and that is truly all that mattered. 

My journey wasn’t for a crown, it was for self acceptance. It was for feeling like I belonged, and that I was loved, but also that I LOVED myself. And that I was proud of myself. And I was, and I was even more proud when I was called the winner. That moment still is a little bit of a blur to me, but I remember standing there, telling the girl across from me how deserving of the title she was, because she is, and that I would be happy either way, because I would be. My work was done, I was proud of the person I am, and that is all I needed. Then I remember hearing my name and almost falling to my feet. I remember seeing my family’s reaction, my friends at home, and my New England Petite family. I think that was one of the most beautiful moments of my life, knowing I have inspired others to follow who they are, even if the path is murky. 

Photo: Matty Jacobsen

Almost three months later, I have had a lot of side quests as my title. I became an author, with my children's book, “The Fire Within You”, coming out before 2025. I started my own hair styling business, Hannah’s Hot Tools, and started working as a photoshoot assistant. I have been in many parades, supporting the LGBTQ+ community and women empowerment. I work as a partner with Girls on the Run Vermont, going and volunteering at their events. I started modeling for UGC Models and Jimmi Swim, and I work in other volunteer organizations like the Miss Amazing Pageant System, and starting my own Crown Talks for pageants. I also started my first semester at the University of Vermont, studying Music Education as my double major, and added a double minor of psychology and special education. 

My one biggest take away from pageants is finding your fire in who you are as a person. Never tell yourself you aren’t enough, because you are truly capable of anything you put your mind to. 14 year old me who battled severe depression still can’t believe that 18 year old Hannah gets to walk in New York Fashion Week with Marc Defang, and travel the country as a national title holder with her sister queens. Your hard work won’t go unseen, I can promise you that. Realizing you already have a crown on your head by competing in a pageant is enough to go a long way. Having the guts to step out of your comfort zone and try something new is a trophy within itself. The journey to who you are can be rocky, weird, and uncomfortable sometimes, but I promise you, it’ll all end up where you want it to go.

Last but not least, I hope you know how loved you are, how strong you are, and how beautiful you are as a person. Never change for anybody else, and if you haven't told someone you love them today and how beautiful they are, send them the kindness and love they deserve and tell them thank you for being in your life. 

Thank you for reading my blog! Peace out and with love always,

Your Teen Petite USA 2024 and friend, 

Han (Hannah Karki)