Moving Forward

By Arianna Shanks-Hill

Before I give up my title, and step fully into retirement, I want to share something that is equally as important as all of my education and statistics that I share through this page.

I have been on this journey as a survivor for a very long time (or so it seems to a 21 year old). I have worked through just about every emotion, feeling, and stage of grief that life has to offer.

I spent a very long time being angry about what happened to me. And an even longer time believing that I wasn’t angry anymore, and that I had moved on and started to heal. I was stuck in my anger and stuck in the mindset that I had been a victim. I was defined by it and it controlled the way I moved through the world. Everything I did was an opportunity to prove myself. I led with anger when I spoke about my story instead of leading with hope and love and empowerment. Everything that I felt was and is valid, and so are the emotions of survivors everywhere. However, anger is not sustainable. Love is. Loving yourself and the people around you enough to lead with and be the light is the way the world begins to change. Believing in and being the example for hope is the worthwhile fight and the start of a better tomorrow.

What I want to talk about today is exactly that.

I speak a lot on this platform about hope. About trusting hope that life will be better, and that your future will be beautiful, and that if you can find it in you to have hope you’ve already made it halfway there. Hope is a hard fought battle that requires an immeasurable strength and grit. It is not a one stop shop, but rather a commitment to continually believing that the future will be better. Hope requires a leap of faith to move forward. You cannot make that leap if you are holding on to anger and resentment, and limiting yourself to being that victim. You are worth so much more than one singular label, and your future is absolutely limitless if you are willing to fight for it. Nothing worth having is ever easy, and I will never pretend to be the absolute authority on life after abuse. The best thing I can do is speak on my experience for those who see themselves in me and for those who aren’t sure where to go next. I know what I needed to hear and the example of perseverance that I needed to see. I know that my future was worth the work, even if I didn’t see it back then. If you are holding onto your past with both hands you cannot reach forward and grab whatever beautiful thing the future has to offer you. You are absolutely allowed to be angry. No one should have to experience abuse, and it is unfair in the simplest sense of the word. I encourage you to feel that anger, but I also want to encourage you to put the same amount of energy into healing and being a beacon of light that you did into feeling angry. Every emotion on your healing journey is one that deserves its own moment. However, my hope is that you never get so caught up in one emotion that you take up permanent residence there. It is my philosophy that all emotions are welcome in my house, but they are not allowed to redecorate my room. embrace the healing and feel it just as deeply, if not more so, as you do the anger. You are worthy of that level of peace and so much more. In this life I have learned that we don’t get to choose what happens to us, but it is in our control to choose how we react to it and how we frame it in our minds. Eventually, you have to let the anger go. Not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve to live a life completely unattached to that experience. When you are ready, and not a moment before, take a deep breath and make a choice. You are the only person who gets to define you. I urge you to define yourself by the light that you have inside, by the strength it takes to separate yourself from that kind of evil, by the love that you can give to others, by the difference you can make in people’s lives by standing in your truth and being an example of someone who overcomes. Life might not ever be fair, but I want to do as much good as I possibly can to offset the unfairness and the bad that gets thrown at us. I wish that for everyone else too.

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You can find Arianna Shanks-Hill on her Instagram. She is a frequent and valued contributor to Section 36 Forevers. Be sure to read all of her guest blogs.

To learn more about Arianna, feel free to check out her Interview with Section 36.