Committing to Confidence - a Blog Series by Katelyn Andrist

Create the things you wish existed. 

I am creating and cultivating a world full of engagement, empowerment, and inspiration. 

In my world, there is no more wishing but taking charge of the future in front of me. I will keep creating, changing, and fighting for the children in my communities. 

-Katelyn Andrist 

Committing to Confidence - a Blog Series by Katelyn Andrist

Isaiah 60:22: “When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.

The time is right now.

Miss Southern Kansas 2023, let the ride begin with mistakes, growth, and what it truly means to live your life fearlessly.

This year, I promise --  to keep pushing boundaries and breaking limits.

Let us start living life for ourselves by stepping into our potential and power.

-Katelyn Andrist

My MAO Journey - A Blog Series By Hannah Roque (Part 4 - Where I am Today, and Looking Forward)

This is the final post in a four-part guest blog series by Hannah Roque discussing her MAO journey. You can find part one here.  I  am honored to be able to present them, and hope you'll read and share them all. -S36F

Keeping my why in mind, I was excited to once again take the stage in 2023. Though I spent a lot of time practicing my talent, doing mock interviews, and running a titleholder Instagram for the first time, the biggest change I made was in my mindset. Instead of focusing on winning or the outcomes, my primary focus was on the impact that I could make with my local title. In the last year, I’ve really internalized that the end goal is not to win the state title - the goal is to make a difference in your community. The title of Miss Vermont will allow me to have a wider reach, make a broader impact for stroke survivors through my Community Service Initiative, and continue to act as an example for plus size women who are interested in competing in the organization - but I know that I can start to do all of those things with my local title. With this mindset, as Miss Route 7, I felt like I gave my best performance onstage and in the interview room. Though I was still dealing with my own anxieties and self imposed pressure, I felt the same joy and excitement that I felt back in 2019. 

I would be remiss to talk about my experience in 2023 withouttalking about the class of women that I competed with. In my three years competing, and my 24 years growing up around the organization, I have never encountered a group of women that are as kind, smart, and incredible as the Miss Vermont 2023 class. It was probably the most competitive class that we’ve seen in Vermont in a very long time, but it was the most loving and supportive environment that I have ever been in. Being surrounded by a group of women that are all smart, successful, and supportive is so inspiring, and the sisterhood that was formed only reaffirmed some of the initial reasons why I started competing in 2019; to make friends and to have fun. 

I will treasure every part of my competition experience in 2023, from the amazing sisterhood to my performance onstage. In the last year I grew into a better person and delegate because of Miss Vermont and the Miss American Opportunity. As I am getting ready for the 2024 season to start, I am so excited to take all that I’ve learned and continue to grow. When I first started this journey, I was 20 years old and still trying to settle into myself. Now, I am a 24 year old college graduate and am much more confident in myself and my abilities. Looking forward to the future, knowing that I can keep competing until I am 28, I am so excited to see how I grow and flourish both in life and as I pursue my dream of being Miss Vermont. Regardless of other people’s thoughts, perceptions, and expectations, I know in my heart that I will be a fantastic Miss Vermont someday. I am forever grateful that I had the courage to take a step back, because it was instrumental in changing my mindset and my competition goals. 

If I were to give delegates any advice, it would be to never lose

sight of why you started competing. Every delegate has a why. Whether it’s to build confidence, make an impact in your community, make friends, or something else, every delegate has a reason why they’re competing. It can be really easy to lose sight of that why, when you’re caught up in expectations and pressures, both from yourself and other people - but I urge you to always keep your why (and having fun) at the forefront of your mind each time you return to the competition. If you lose those things, there is no shame in taking a break. Listen to yourself and trust that the decisions you make are right; if you lose sight of the joy and why you’re competing, take a step back and find those again. I promise that you will not regret that choice. 

If you want to follow along my journey to the 2024 stage, you can follow me at @missroute7vt on Instagram or @han.roque on TikTok - I can’t wait to share my growth and my journey with you all. A very special thank you to Section 36 for letting me take this opportunity to reflect on my entire competition experience; I am so proud of the work that I have done over the last 4 years and I’m so excited to continue to pursue my dream! 

A Letter To My Younger Self - A Blog by Arianna Shanks

I did an interview once where I was asked what I would say to my abuser if I had the chance. Whether it be right now, in this time and place, or if I could go back in time and talk to him.
The short answer is that I wouldn’t. 

First of all, because I shouldn’t have to convince someone that I didn’t deserve to be abused. 

Second of all, because no amount of pleading or persuading or trying to convince my abuser of my humanity would make him see that what he did was wrong. There is nothing I could ever say to him that would make him apologetic or invoke regret on his end. The long answer is this: 

I’ll probably live with the consequences of his actions for the rest of my life, but I doubt he will ever take the blame or feel guilty for any of it. Sometimes I feel like the people who love me had the worst end of it by having to watch me suffer through that. Then, on the worst days, when the trauma triggers make it impossible to get through a normal day, I think they’re lucky they only had to watch. 

So no. I wouldn’t tell my abuser anything. But I know if I could go back to that time in my life, there is someone I would want to talk to. Someone I could make a difference for. 
Me. 

The really sick thing is that I have torn myself apart for years trying finding every little thing to blame myself for; telling myself that I should’ve seen the signs, I should’ve listened when people warned me, I should’ve left sooner etc. Any victim blaming you could possibly think of, I’ve thought it and reprimanded myself over it.

Then, at some point, someone else came to me with her story. She told me everything she had experienced and described the blame she had cast on herself. You can probably assume I did not speak to her in the way I had been speaking to myself. I treated her with gentleness and kindness and I tried to give her as much love as I could. 

This was the moment it clicked for me. Why was I being so mean to myself? Why couldn’t I treat myself with the same kindness I was freely giving to others? 

I look back at pictures and videos from that time in my life and my heart aches for that girl. I honestly don’t even recognize her. When you’re 15 you think you’re grown up and ready to take on the world. You think you know everything there is to know. Now, looking back, as someone who’s about to turn 20, I just see a baby. I see a little girl with the life being drained out of her in the name of “young love”. I see a child fighting for her life. I see a girl whose light in her eyes has gone out. 

It’s important to note that abuse usually doesn’t start out with violence. It starts with little things and a whole lot of gaslighting and manipulation. By the time it gets to the point that most of us would call it abuse, you’re so wrapped up in the situation and the person that you can’t figure out which way is out. 

I knew if i fought back there was a good chance I wouldn’t make it out alive, so I did what I had to do. Eventually I had to forgive myself for doing what it took to survive in those moments and stop being so hard on myself and saying things like “you should’ve done” x, y, or z 

Unfortunately, my mindset at the time of my abuse was not “how can I leave this situation”, it was “how can I continue to love this person and stay alive”. 

So if I got the chance to talk to that 15 year old girl, to tell her everything she needs to know, here’s what I would say:

I would tell her to stop punishing herself for staying. I would say “Treat yourself with compassion and start blaming the abuser for the way he mistreated and manipulated you. There is nothing you could’ve done to deserve this abuse”.

I would sit her down, and ask her “if you allow him to treat you like this now, what else will you allow?” 
I would remind her that when someone shows you who they are the first time, you should believe them. 
I would tell her that this mistreatment is not indicative of her worth as a person. 
I would tell her that I am so proud of her, and that I love her, and others will love her, in a way that doesn’t involve violence. 
Then I would tell her that no real love encompasses violence, that people who love you speak to you with kindness even when they’re angry 
I would beg her to see that suffering does not make her brave. 
I would say “Staying in a situation where you are actively being harmed is not a testament to your love, it is putting your life in danger.” 

If I got to talk to 16 year old me, I would tell her of all the things that are coming for her.
She didn’t believe there would be an “after” to her abuse. She genuinely thought that was what the rest of her life was going to look like. She didn’t know that she deserved better, or that she could experience better. 
I would tell her about “The Gabby Project”, and all the people who have heard her story. I would tell her about Miss Banks of the Wabash, and about how she cried on stage giving her first ever “social impact pitch”. She would laugh in my face if I said that was brave. But truthfully, being completely vulnerable and sharing her story on a stage in front of everyone was so brave. 
I would look her in the eye and say “your bravery leads others. Your story educates and inspires. you get to advocate to save others from these experiences”. 
I would tell her about Miss Indiana and what a privilege it was to stand on a stage with 36 other incredible women and tell our story. 
I would tell her she didn’t go through this for nothing, and that her story doesn’t end with abuse. 
I would tell her that there is so much joy she has yet to experience, people who will love her, big and small victories to celebrate, and so much more. 
I’d say “you will feel safe in your own skin again. You will trust others again. You will experience true, genuine love from extraordinary people.” I’d remind her that “The light in your eyes will come back and you will not feel like this forever.” 
And tell her that her experiences are not her identity, and they will not control her life forever. Eventually there will come a day where it’s not the first thing you think of. There will be days where you don’t think about it at all, and I think there’s a certain amount of beauty in that. 

If I could talk to 17 year old me, 
I would tell her that if telling the truth paints someone as a bad person, then maybe they are a bad person. 
I would tell her that you can’t “ruin someone’s life” by telling the truth. It was never her job to take care of someone else’s reputation. 
I would tell her that the most important people will rally behind her, and the ones who don’t aren’t the kind of friends you want to keep. 
I would say “you coming forward might save someone’s life. It’ll save yours, and that’s enough for me. Stand tall and tell the truth even if your voice shakes while you do it” 
I would hug her again, commend her bravery, and thank her for her strength. 
After all, I carry her with me in everything I do. The strength of 17 year old me is what keeps me moving forward. Her bravery is what fuels my passion for advocacy. 
I would tell her I’m proud of her, and urge her to let her anger go. 
I think it’s hard not to be angry at first. Angry that no one noticed. Angry that no one came to save you. Angry that the people who were supposed to protect you couldn’t. Angry that you were mistreated in such a way. 
But anger doesn’t fix it and it certainly doesn’t erase it. 
I’d tell her “your anger has been your friend up to this point; your anger knows that you have been mistreated and wants better for you. but you can let it go and choose to heal and move forward.” 

There are things that you cannot understand until you live it. It’s kind of like a really awful club that you can only get into if you’ve seen the absolute worst that humanity has to offer. Not just seen it, but been at the mercy of it and somehow not perpetuated the cycle. 
For some, it’s easy to say things like “why didn’t you just leave?” 
But abusers are masters of manipulation, and they’re really good at making you believe everything they tell you. ultimately, they make you believe that violence is love; that control is love. 
So, I sincerely hope that if you cannot fathom why someone would stay in an abusive relationship, I hope you never comprehend it. I hope you never understand the violence I endured to become this gentle. 

I hate the phrase “everything happens for a reason”. Yes I am stronger because of my abuse, but I didn’t need to be strong. I needed to be loved and cared for and protected. And honestly, what a slap in the face that phrase is to those that couldn’t make it out. Abuse is not poetic and it never has been. 
I do not have my abusers to thank for my strength. That came from within me, not from their actions. I refuse to give them credit for the person I have become. 
Honestly, how strong do you have to be to hurt a little girl? How strong do you think she has to be to get over it? Whose strength is more impressive? 

So to every version of me, that carried me through the darkest time in my life:
(And to anyone who is living it, or has survived it, too)
I love you. I owe my whole life to you. 
I’m proud of you. I believe you. Your bravery and strength do not go unnoticed. 
You deserve love that is gentle, kind, and soft. a love that does not hold grudges, does not react out of anger, does not instill fear. you deserve warmth and safety. I hope you find the strength to start over as many times as you need to until you find this. 
You will find a way to carve out space for your existence in a way that fulfills you and heals you. You will be more than okay, you will thrive in spite of it.

My MAO Journey - A Blog Series By Hannah Roque (Part 3 - My Why)

This is the third in a four-part guest blog series by Hannah Roque discussing her MAO journey. You can find part one here. I  am honored to be able to present them, and hope you'll read and share them all. -S36F

So what is my why? Well, I can break it down into 3 pieces. In a lot of ways, I've built many sections of my life around making an impact; I got my degree from Saint Michael's College, which is dedicated to socially impacting our world through their students. I work as an Admission Counselor, helping students through their college journey and help them access higher education. I am a delegate in the Miss America Opportunity, which allows me to be an advocate for Stroke Awareness, body positivity, and for the organization itself on a much larger scale. I've wanted to make an impact on my world around me for my whole life, and from a young age I knew that competing in the Miss America Opportunity would give me the chance to do so. As far as I know, I am the only delegate in the country advocating for stroke awareness, and I have been able to reach stroke survivors all across my state, and spread awareness about the signs of a stroke. As Miss Vermont, I know my reach will be even larger, and I will be able to advocate for stroke awareness at a regional and national level. I have already been able to create resources that my family would have used when we were going through a crisis and spread awareness throughout Vermont using my local title. I am excited to continue to be an advocate and utilize the platform that Miss Vermont and Miss America gives me to reach a wider audience. The second part of my why, is being a plus sized delegate. Growing up, watching Miss America and various state competitions, I always wished there was someone onstage that looked like me. I had a deep love for Miss America, and the dream to become Miss Vermont, but I felt like there wasn’t space for someone with my body type on the Miss America stage. Now, as a plus sized delegate, I am setting the example for young girls that they can become a local titleholder (and a state titleholder!) by being hardworking, passionate, confident, and healthy. The fact that I have the opportunity to be the role model that I needed when I was younger, alongside all the other plus size titleholders across the country, is an incredible honor. Knowing that I have an opportunity to show little girls that they can compete and be successful is such a valuable piece of motivation that keeps me coming back year after year. The final part of my why, is probably the most simple; competing makes me happy. By competing, I’ve met my best friends, grown closer to my mom, started advocating for a cause that I’m passionate about, become a more confident person, and so much more. I keep competing because, despite moments of anxiety or frustration, it brings a lot of joy into my life. 

My MAO Journey - A Blog Series By Hannah Roque (Part 2 - Continuing My Journey)

This is the second in a four-part guest blog series by Hannah Roque discussing her MAO journey. You can find part one here and part three here. I  am honored to be able to present them, and hope you'll read and share them all. -S36F

After Miss Vermont 2019 was crowned, I started preparing for the 2020 competition almost immediately. We all know what happened that year. When the 2020 competition was canceled because of COVID, I was devastated. Through all the uncertainty of the pandemic, I was dedicated to the competition, but I was attempting to make a lot of changes; I tried to change my Community Service Initiative, and after receiving some negative feedback on my talent, I struggled with my confidence in that phase of competition. I was very, very lost. When I received the title of Miss Champlain Valley 2021, I was so excited and proud to wear a Miss America sash across my chest for the first time in my life - but with that excitement came more pressure. Because I now held a local title, I felt the pressure of people’s expectations so much more; I always felt like I wasn’t doing enough. During this time, I was also starting

my senior year of college - facing COVID protocols, writing my senior thesis for my English Major, and preparing to student teach in a middle school classroom. As I was dealing with all of this stress, the added weight of competing again brought even more anxiety. Overall, I had lost the joy that competing had brought me. Then, in December 2021, I made the difficult decision to withdraw from the 2021 competition. With this decision, I took a HUGE step back from the Miss America world. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but I cannot help but feel grateful for the fact that I made the decision that was right for me in the moment. My time away gave me the opportunity to re-fall in love with Miss America, and rediscover why I wanted to compete in the first place. 

That next year, I got to watch my best friend, Danielle Morse, be crowned Miss Vermont 2021. I was (and still am) Danielle’s #1 fan, and watching her live her dreams reignited my own. Watching my best friend have once in a lifetime experiences, make lifelong friendships, raise thousands of dollars for the Vermont Children’s Hospital, and compete on the Miss America stage was everything I needed to remember why I loved the organization and rediscover the joy. I used that energy and excitement to finally convince myself to return to the competition stage, nearly 3 years after my first appearance. Leading up to the 2022 competition, I struggled significantly with self doubt. After being the 2nd runner up in 2019, I was holding myself to incredibly high standards. Rather than focusing on myself and my own preparation, I was focusing on the expectations of everyone else. It didn’t help that, in the years between 2019 and 2022, I had gained some weight and was very conscious of the fact that I was the biggest girl onstage. Ultimately, my self consciousness and self doubt hurt my performance. When I look back at photos and videos of the competition, I see a version of myself that is nervous and afraid to command space on the stage. Truthfully, it makes me so sad. It’s an age old saying in the pageant world, that you will win when it’s your time; I’ve been told this time and time again, but it is abundantly clear that I did not win or place because I was not my best self. I knew that there were people that expected me to never come back if I didn’t win that year, but my experience actually achieved the opposite. Because I didn’t win or place, I felt free of external expectations and my own doubts. Even after not placing at the 2022 competition, my time off allowed me to rediscover my why. 

My MAO Journey - A Blog Series By Hannah Roque (Part 1 - Taking the Leap)

This is the first in a four-part guest blog series by Hannah Roque discussing her MAO journey. You can find part two here. I  am honored to be able to present them, and hope you'll read and share them all. -S36F

Hello everyone! My name is Hannah Roque, and I’m back at Section 36! I’m currently in the competition off-season, but I’ve been reflecting a lot on my experience on the Miss Vermont 2023 stage, and my overall journey as a delegate competing in the Miss America Opportunity. While my journey to the Miss Vermont stage may look very standard from the outside, it’s been a long and complicated ride. Yes, I watched the Miss America competition on TV religiously each year, but my journey has been slightly more unconventional than most. When I first competed in 2019, I absolutely fell in love and knew I would come back to the Miss Vermont stage. That being said, after a global pandemic and many big shifts in my life, I returned to compete nearly three years later, in 2022. 

Those of you who know me know that my mom was Miss Vermont 1996. Because of her, I grew up loving and adoring Miss America - I went to my first Miss America state competition when I was 3 weeks old! Growing up, my mom and I went to as many Miss Vermont state competitions as we could, so I have dreamed of competing since I was little. Each year as a teenager, I toyed with the idea of competing for Miss Vermont’s Teen, and when I turned 18, I considered competing for Miss Vermont. It wasn’t until I watched the 2018 competition, that I made a promise to myself that I would compete the next year. The idea of competing in swimsuit had always held me back; I felt uncomfortable walking onstage in a swimsuit and facing the pressure to make my body conform to the “standard” swimsuit body type. That being said, despite my anxieties about the swimsuit phase of competition, I knew that I would always regret it if I didn’t take the jump and compete. 

I jumped into my first year competing wholeheartedly. My sophomore year of college brought a lot of challenges; I was struggling to find friends that I connected with on campus, I didn’t really know what I wanted to pursue academically, and my stepdad had his first major stroke. There were so many changes happening that my life felt very up in the air, so I utilized my goal of competing as something to ground me. I dedicated myself to preparing and taking every opportunity to grow; I went to every workshop, tried to make friends with the other girls competing, and focused on having fun above all else. Though I wanted to win, I went in wanting to learn as much as I could and enjoy the process; having this mindset helped me because I never felt any external pressure to perform well onstage. I’ve done a lot of reflection since this first year, and I see how much I’ve grown as a person, as a change maker, and as a delegate in the Miss America Opportunity. I am so proud of my 20 year old self for taking the leap, but I also see that I was not my most authentic self, because I was caught up in who I thought Miss Vermont should be, rather than who I would be as Miss Vermont. I learned so many valuable lessons, and was so excited to continue my journey.