BE FAST by Hannah Roque

Hello Section 36! My name is Hannah Roque, and I am so thrilled to be back, this time as Miss Addison County 2024! October 29th is World Stroke Day, so I wanted to come and write a bit about my Community Service Initiative and why it’s important.

My Community Service Initiative is centered around stroke awareness and teaching people how to identify the signs of a stroke. In 2018, my step-dad, Trent, had a series of multiple major strokes. We couldn’t recognize the signs at the time, but looking back it’s clear how many signs he was exhibiting. BE FAST is an acronym that can help you remember the signs of a stroke. It stands for:

B - Balance impaired

E - Eyes blurred, vision crossed or doubled

F - Face drooping on one side

A - Arms heavy and unable to lift

S - Speech slurred

T - Time is of the essence, call 911 immediately if you’re experiencing any of these 

      symptoms

This acronym is incredibly important, but you might be wondering why? As someone who’s had multiple family members suffer from a stroke, it’s very clear to me why it’s important. That being said, if you don’t know about strokes or you don’t know anyone who has had one, it can be unclear. The fact of the matter is, anyone can have a stroke. 

Every 40 seconds someone has a stroke. In the time that you can watch a 30 minute episode of your favorite sitcom, 45 people will have had a stroke across the United States. Of those 45 people, 15% - or around 7 people - will be under the age of 50. It’s a very common misconception that strokes only happen to old people who have preexisting health conditions, when in fact anyone of any age with any health conditions (or lack thereof) can have a stroke. Strokes are the 2nd leading cause of death in the United States, and that can largely be attributed to the fact that people don’t know how to identify the signs. 

Throughout my time advocating for stroke awareness, I have met dozens of stroke survivors, many of whom had no idea how to identify the signs prior to their first stroke. My step-dad, Trent, has had a total of three major strokes. Prior to his first, we had no idea how to identify the signs, but knowing BE FAST was instrumental in identifying Trent’s second and third strokes. It was my mother who recognized the signs, and advocated for him to get the proper medical treatment. I’ve built my Community Service Initiative around sharing Trent’s story and teaching people how to identify the signs, because it is so common for signs of a stroke to be misidentified. 

Again, I return to the question, why should you care? The answer: because you or a loved one at any age could have a stroke, and knowing BE FAST could literally save a life. 

If you want to stay up to date on the work that I’m doing with my CSI, you can find me at @missaddisoncountyvt on Instagram. I’ve got some very exciting things coming down the pike, and I can’t wait to share them all with you!! 

Strength - A Series by Arianna Shanks-Hill

Domestic Violence Awareness month is coming to a close, but I want to continue my series of answering questions. This particular question is fine to ask, and I’ve been asked it so many times i felt like i should just create a permanent post detailing the answer. My strength comes from a lot of different things, like the people who share their stories with me and thank me after I’ve been on stage or at an event; but my main strength comes from 15 year old me, and from the woman who raised me, which is exactly what i want to talk about. 

What/who gave you the courage to share your story? 

The Gabby Project originated as my CSI for Miss Banks of the Wabash. I called my mom and started panicking, rambling about how we had to pick a “platform” to advocate for, and how overwhelmed I felt with this idea. I kept saying I didn’t know what i was passionate about or what i wanted to advocate for. I listed off a couple things, like mental health and LGBT representation. She took a deep breath and very calmly said “Ari, you know what your platform is. You know what you need to do”. My mom has always known me well enough to guess my next move, or to guide me through a decision I felt i couldn’t make on my own. After she said it, it seemed so obvious. Of course I was going to pick domestic violence. How could I have even considered anything else? 

Shortly after that I realized that in order to effectively advocate I was going to have to come forward and start speaking about my story; something I hadn’t really done prior. There had always been a handful of people who knew about my abuse and my experiences, but I had 

never publicized it. The morning of the competition I found out I would be telling my story on a stage in front of everyone, not just to a panel of judges in a private room. I called my mom again, panicking even worse this time. She gave me the kind of pep talk only mothers can, and it did provide me with some momentary relief. However, before my private interview I was in tears again. how could I do this? Where was I going to get the courage to be so vulnerable? 

I pulled out my phone and started flipping through pictures in my camera roll, my usual trick to help calm me down and remind me of the people supporting me. I came across a picture of my mom and I, where I couldn’t have been any older than 6. It stopped me dead in my tracks. (I’ll include it in this post somewhere I’m sure, just for reference. ) my mom looked so young in the picture, and yet she looked exhausted. Happy to be with her children, but you could tell she was silently suffering. The kind of suffering that drains the life out of even the brightest people. That picture of her was the last little push I needed; she did everything in her power to get me here, and she didn’t get the opportunity to tell her story. She’d never gotten the closure she deserved, and I had the opportunity to advocate on behalf of both of us. I had to take it. 

My mom experienced domestic violence before I was even born. She found herself in an impossible situation that would’ve forced a lesser person to crumble. She never did. She fought and endured and did everything to give her kids the best life possible. 

She was the blueprint. She is where I get my strength from. She is the reason I stepped up the first time. Her strength carries me through every aspect of my life and she is the foundation of

The Gabby Project (whether she knows it or not). I’ve never seen my mom back down from anything, so I knew I couldn’t back down from sharing my story. When I didn’t have enough courage of my own to stand and speak, my mom let me borrow some of hers until I was ready. 

Some parents beg their children not to publicly speak out about their abuse. I’ve seen it happen firsthand; they become uncomfortable with the idea of causing a fuss, and would rather avoid the attention and the “embarrassment”. My mom never once asked me to be quiet. In fact, she encouraged me to speak up. 

The original push that gave me the confidence to share my story was my mom’s courage. Now, it’s the look on my mom’s face when I speak and advocate. I’ve never seen her so proud. It’s a hard feeling to explain when you see your mom tearing up when you talk. Sometimes it’s like she’s in awe of me, like she can’t believe the person I’ve grown into and the impact that I’m making. Sometimes it’s like she sees herself in me, a young girl who refuses to be broken. It’s indescribable. 

I wish I could hold her hand and stand with her every time I advocate. I wish I could bring her on stage and hug her and say “this is your story too. this is your legacy too”.

Committing to Confidence - a Blog Series by Katelyn Andrist

 

Be the woman you would look up to.

-Katelyn Andrist 

Purchase "Becoming Confident"

Katelyn's Book

***

Other ways Katelyn and S36 Forevers have "Committed to Confidence"

Guest Blog Series Committing to Confidence

Interview Katelyn's visit with Section 36

Guest Blog To the Young Woman Going Through Sorority Recruitment

Guest Blog To the Person Who Hasn't Been Themselves Lately

There Will Be Joy by Arianna Shanks-Hill

By this point, my story is well known. Everyone knows that I have experienced domestic violence and the way that it has impacted me. You know about my advocacy and my passion and you’ve seen my posts. You know the warning signs of abuse, how to get help, what triggers are and how they can occur, what resources are available; you even know my answers to some pretty personal questions. But today let’s talk about the things that can occur after abuse. Let’s talk about the hope and the joy that are waiting on the other side of an abusive relationship. 

When I was 15, 16, 17, I thought my abusive relationship was going to last forever. I thought that was what my life was going to be like. Miserable, hurting, confused, afraid. It didn’t seem like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. So this post is for that girl, and for anyone else that thinks their abuse is all there is to life. 

There is so much joy coming. You will laugh until your stomach hurts, and smile so big you think your face will freeze that way. You will make friends who wrap you in kindness, love, and support. You will reconnect with all the people you were isolated from for so long; they missed you dearly and will welcome you back with open arms. You will be respected, adored, and uplifted by the people around you. You will be taken care of and treated with compassion. No one will treat you like a victim or a burden. There are people who want to understand what you’ve been through to help you work through it, so they can love you to the best of their ability. 

You will find things that bring you joy again. You will find your old hobbies that used to bring you to life and they will fulfill you all over again. You’ll try new things and create a capacity for love and light that you never knew was attainable. You’ll rediscover yourself and realize you love her so dearly. You will regain the ability to fail without allowing it to label you a failure. Your confidence will come back, as will your lust for life. You will find unimaginable strength as well as an incomparable gentleness that separates you from your abuser with a gap they can never close. 

You will experience days that are completely free from trauma triggers and reminders of your abuser. It will be so beautiful, and you won’t even realize it. There will be days when you do experience triggers, and you will fight through them with such tenacity and grace. These heavier days will be even more beautiful than your lighter days. 

All of this to say that there is hope and joy on its way to you. The beauty around you will no longer fade while you exist in survival mode. You will be vibrant and full of life and give love so freely that you shine as a light to everyone around you. 

You can look through these pictures and see the joy in my face. You can see how the light has come back to my eyes and how genuine my smile is. The girl you see in this post is a stranger to the girl I was at 15, which is simultaneously amazing and tragic. I wish 15 year old me knew what was coming for her. I wish anyone experiencing abuse knew how promising their future is. 

It took me a long time to get to the other side of all that the abuse did to me. I muddled through the anger and the pain and the fear and did everything I could to find the light. I still have a long way to go, and healing is never linear. Although I know I will never be able to go back to the person I used to be, I am so proud of the person I have fought to become. 

It has been a beautiful fight; it still is. 

You can never go back and undo what was done, but you can find hope in the fact that you can rebuild yourself into a person that is untouchable. 

If you’re not sure that there is a life on the other side of your abuse, and that fear keeps you from leaving, this is your sign. There is hope and joy and love waiting for you. There are people waiting to care for you. There are places that stand still until you walk in. Everything you’re wanting exists on the other side of that fear. Let hope give you the courage to fight for a better life.

 

From Lab Coats to Crowns….. Bio student turned beauty queen? - A Blog from Anushree Patel

As a biology student at the University of Texas, I was accustomed to the world of microscopes and scientific inquiry. The allure of the pageant world seemed worlds apart from my daily life. After all, how could I – spending countless hours in research labs, hospitals, and STEM classes – be crowned? 

Initially, I struggled with the seeming incompatibility of these two worlds. One involves poise, glamor, the art of presentation, while the other is grounded in scientific inquiry, complex research, and intellectual challenge. But I realized the differences between these worlds didn’t have to be mutually exclusive. 

One of the most rewarding aspects of Miss America is the opportunity to platform for change. My academic background allowed me to champion causes close to my heart, such as volunteerism, healthcare awareness, and the promotion of STEM education. Conducting a news interview with NBC and supporting funruns for medical research further allowed me to encourage living healthy lifestyles – tying into Miss America’s new fitness initiative. 

The title of Miss East Texas is one that has transformed my life! From schools to libraries to fashion shows and everything in between, I’ve had the privilege of connecting with communities all across Texas. My hope is that people from all walks of life are empowered to volunteer through their own skills and passions.

The journey from a biology student to a pageant queen has been an extraordinary ride filled with valuable life lessons, personal growth, and the opportunity to make a positive impact. It taught me that passion, determination, and a unique perspective can transform what seems unconventional into an inspiring journey. If you've ever had a dream that seems to clash with your current path, remember that it's possible to blend the two into a beautiful, meaningful story. The unexpected intersections between science and glamor can create something truly special, reminding us that we are not defined by a single role, but by the sum of our passions and experiences.

You really can achieve anything you put your mind to – even if it seems like a 360 degree opposite. If that means memorizing chemistry compounds backstage before performing, so be it! 

Anushree Patel,

Miss East Texas 2023

You Can't "Just Leave" - A Guest Blog Series from Arianna Shanks-Hill

Without fail, every time I tell a new person my story, and explain in detail the things I experienced, I get asked “Why wouldn't you just leave?”. I understand where this question comes from. It comes from a horrified person who can't comprehend staying in a situation where you are being so mistreated. It comes from disbelief that someone is capable of harming others in such a way. Usually, this question isn't asked in an attempt to be hurtful or to shame me (or others). It’s genuine curiosity. So, welcome back to my little blog series where I address + answer questions that shouldn't really be asked of survivors in the first place. 

“Why didn’t you just leave?”

I think this question has to be addressed in a couple different ways. From a general understanding, and from a personal standpoint; just so that we can be abundantly clear of why I, and so many others, feel that they can't leave. 

1. Financial abuse

Many abusers control the finances of their partner, or do not permit them to have their own job or own bank account. This limits your options when trying to leave because you don't have the ability to save up. You can't afford to replace your belongings (because if you are fleeing from an abuser, you are most likely packing as minimal as possible). You can't afford to pay rent for an apartment or house, let alone the deposit required for most housing. So, where do you go? You can hope that a shelter will take you, but how will you get there? Most likely, if you/your partner have a car, it's not in your name. If you take the car anyway, your abuser can call and report it stolen. Now you're facing legal repercussions. You probably don't have the extra cash for a cab, or for the bus. You’re faced with limited options.

2. Isolation

A tactic usually used by abusers is isolation. They keep you from your friends and family so that you lack a support system. There’s lots of ways they do this, such as accusing them of trying to ‘sabotage’ the relationship, or saying they are a ‘bad influence”. A common rhetoric pushed by abusers is that they (the abuser) are the best thing for you. They want you to believe that they have your best interest at heart, and that everyone else is out to get you. However this isolation is achieved, it’s effective. You can’t confide in your support system about your abuse, ask them for money, or a place to stay, or help in general. You have no one to turn to except your abuser. Without a support system, you also probably won't realize you’re being abused until it has escalated. If you can't discuss your relationship or confide in others, you have no reference of what is/isn't healthy and normal. Your phone and social media are more than likely monitored as well, so you have no way of reaching out to ask for help. 

3. Threat of violence

The most dangerous time to be in an abusive relationship is when trying to leave. 75% of women who are murdered by their abuser are murdered when they try to leave the relationship. Abusers often say things like “If you ever leave me I’ll kill you” or even “I’ll kill myself if you leave me”. All survivors know that these threats carry weight, even if they seem like an obvious mental trick to others. The threat of violence from their partner keeps people from leaving. Sure, you’re being physically harmed either way, but you have to choose the lesser of the two options. You can either stay and be harmed, or risk your life to leave. Even if the abuse isn’t physical, there is still violence occurring. Breaking things, slamming doors, punching walls, throwing things etc as a threat is still extremely scary. Abusers manipulate your fear to the best of their ability to ensure you don't find the courage to stand up to them. It’s also important to point out that they could also threaten violence against people you love to keep you complicit and unable to leave (especially if there are children involved).  

4. Mental abuse

I’ve made several videos on my titleholder account describing abusers as ‘convincing’. While most of the time we focus on the physical abuse that occurs in domestic violence, it's important to highlight the mental abuse that occurs. The mental abuse is how abusers keep their partners in the relationship. A really common tactic is to degrade the partner and target their insecurities. Abusers will say things like “You’re so ____, no one could ever love you” oe “You’ll never find someone who will love you like me because you’re so ____”. They try to make you seem completely unlovable so you believe they are the only person for you. They will capitalize on your insecurities and do everything they can to make you feel worthless. Abusers have the manipulation tactics to convince you that the abuse is your fault or that you deserve it. When you are being completely manipulated and mentally abused, it's hard to trust your own judgment enough to identify the abuse. It’s difficult to say “I don't deserve this, I am being mistreated and I need to leave”. Unfortunately, this isn't something you can easily undo, or something you can understand if you haven't experienced it. 

5. Shame

A huge reason people don't leave/come forward is because of shame. They’ve been convinced that the abuse is their fault, and feel as though they should have “known better” or “left sooner”. It could be they also don't want to compromise their image of the “happy couple” they’ve built as a defense mechanism. While the only person who should be embarrassed is the abuser, for some reason it can feel embarrassing to come forward. It feels like saying “this is what i let someone do to me”.  To be honest, people’s reactions are part of what contributes to the shame. Questions like “why didn't you just leave” or statements like “i would never let someone hit me” completely misunderstand the gravity of abuse and place the blame on the survivor instead of on the abuser where it belongs.

6. Lack of support

This reason ties into the previous reason. The lack of support survivors receive when trying to come forward ensures that they won't try again. If you are consistently mistreated and called a liar, why would you continue to put yourself in that position? It can be hard to know who to turn to for help, or how to find the resources you need. Many people’s support systems also don’t help in the way they should. ‘Friends’ side with the abuser and say things like “he never did anything to me”. Family asks you to be quiet to keep the peace, and not “call attention” to the situation. Society often insinuates that survivors are raising a ruckus by asking for legal repercussions for their abuser. And for the record, it’s not enough to just be free from your abuser. You dont ever have to “just be grateful that you’re not in that situation anymore”. There are many appropriate reactions to a survivor trying to come forward, but the common theme is support. Without it, the cycle of abuse continues.

Now, let’s get personal. I always laugh at the reactions to these blogs, because every time a new one gets posted I have people tell me that I'm getting “too personal”. First of all, dont ask people personal questions if you don't want the answer. Second, me getting “personal” is what makes me an authentic and effective titleholder. 

So, why didn't I leave? Fear, isolation, and shame are the main ones. The way people spoke to me when I did finally leave and come forward often made me wish I had never left at all. Can you imagine that? Being so publicly mistreated that you wish for physical abuse instead? I don’t have to imagine it. I had teachers, parents, students, friends, and police officers attack me for every little thing I did. I had one of my best friends tell me that she “wasn't sure” that I was telling the truth. 

On top of that, it was embarrassing to tell the truth. I was always the headstrong girl in high school. People couldn't believe I would “let’’ someone hurt me like that. It was mortifying. How could I have let this happen? Why didnt i listen to the people who warned me? Why didn't I leave at the first sign? You can see how easy it would have been for these thoughts to be planted in my brain. Combine those thoughts with the mental abuse and manipulation I was experiencing and all of the sudden it's pretty obvious why I didn't leave. 

As someone who talks about domestic violence and statistics pretty frequently, there are few things that truly stop me in my tracks. I take my platform very seriously, and never discuss such serious topics lightly, but I've witnessed the worst of humanity at the hands of one person. However, when I was 16 years old, I read a statistic that could only be described as bone-chilling.

 “A person involved in a domestic violence attack of choking or strangulation is more than 750% more likely to be killed by their offender in the next year”

I realized very quickly that not only was my abuser capable of ending my life, he was statistically more likely to. He frequently threatened to end his, my, or both of our lives if I left him. This kind of manipulation keeps full-fledged adults in their abusive relationships. It’s a lot to ask of a child to find the strength to overcome something like that. I guess I don't know exactly why I didn't leave. Part of me has always wanted to see the best in people. I wanted to believe him when he said he was sorry and that it wouldn't happen again. I didn't want people to see me as weak. I thought that if other people found out I had been abused, they would see me as an easy target. 

Unfortunately no amount of advocacy or telling my story can fully convey my experiences and the things I felt during them. This is why compassion and empathy is so essential when interacting with survivors. Curiosity is natural, but we as survivors should not have to detail every thought, feeling, and experience as a means of education. As a titleholder I view these things as my job. If I have the opportunity to educate, I will always do so. But it is unrealistic to expect this of every survivor in every situation. 

Committing to Confidence - a Blog Series by Katelyn Andrist

 “Your idea of me is not my responsibility to live up to” 
Remember, you LIVE your life for YOU - No one else. 

-Katelyn Andrist 

My Story - A Vlog From Grace Branam

In keeping with her CSI, 1 IN 4, Miss Hoosier Valley's Teen Grace Branam shares her story in this video. I hope you'll watch it, and consider helping her help others take the first step following a sexual assault.

Check out her CSI's Instagram page here:  1 IN 4

And visit her CSI's website here: 1 IN 4

And thanks to Grace for creating this video. I'm honored she allowed me to share her story.

I Won't Stop Talking About It - A Guest Blog Series from Arianna Shanks-Hill

Domestic Violence awareness month is in full swing, and I want to continue my education series with another blog post. I believe these blogs are essential to ending the stigma around domestic violence and inciting compassion for survivors before judgment. So, here’s another question that is probably on the “do not ask” list, also coupled with my personal answer in hopes that we can  avoid having this question asked to other survivors repeatedly.  

It’s been so long since your abuse happened, don’t you think it’s time to stop talking about it? 

I know a lot of people have had thoughts similar to this, and it can be difficult to understand why it’s important for me to continually share my story. 

This question is one I’ll answer in 2 parts, because I think a broad and personal explanation are necessary to fully address this question. 

The first thing I want to address is the part of this question that implies that there is a measurement of time that you are ‘allowed’ to talk about your abuse, and once that length of time has passed you must no longer speak about it. This implication is, I have no doubt, brought upon by abusers trying to silence their victims. Believe it or not, there are many thought processes about domestic violence and its effects that are implemented by abusers to keep them in positions of power over their victims. This is why ending the stigma around domestic violence is so important. 

By creating the idea that you must stop telling your story after a certain amount of time, you push survivors back into silence that they probably fought extremely hard to break. You benefit the abuser by asking survivors to remain silent for the comfort of others, regardless of the length of time since their abuse occurred. 

It’s also important to disclose, for people who may not understand abuse or trauma in general, that intense trauma rewires your brain. There is literal science that shows that people who have endured a severe trauma have different brain structures than those who have not. Trauma changes your thought process and how you react to the world around you. Most of the time, survivors of abuse have their entire lives changed from then on. Not only that, but the amount of PTSD and trauma triggers that exist in everyday life make it nearly impossible to live in the same way that you did before the trauma occurred. I say all of these things because I assume they are not common knowledge. But for me, that’s what my life looks like now. I will never ‘forget’ what was done to me, and my life will never go back to ‘normal’. 

All of this is to say that if you’re tired of hearing about my (or other people’s) abuse, imagine how we feel. We’re tired of living with the effects of someone else’s actions, and we’re tired of the stigma surrounding us when we try to speak about it. 

I guess what I’m really asking for is compassion first, before judgement.

On another note, there is no guideline for healing from abuse. Abuse is and always has been about taking control and power from another person. Because of this, the best way to heal from domestic violence is to find a way to take your power back, in whatever way that looks like for you. For some people, coming forward, speaking out, and even seeking legal action is the most healing process. For others, they may choose not to do any of these things and will feel just as fulfilled. Neither path is more right than the other. 

I guess I’ll let this lead me into the more personal answer to this question: 

For me specifically, it is incredibly healing to be able to share my story. After spending such a long time being terrified of the consequences of telling the truth, it is an indescribable feeling to be able to tell my story, completely unrestricted. The privilege that I have to tell my story and inspire change is not lost on me, and I understand the gravity of the position I have been awarded. 

If we want to get technical, once again focusing on the “so long” comment, I’d like to draw your attention to my personal timeline. In all of my efforts to tell my story, I always include the fact that I was fifteen years old. I think it’s also important to include the fact that I was 17 when the relationship ended. If we want to do some quick math, noting that I’m not even 20 years old, it hasn’t even been 3 years since my relationship ended. If you’d like to get even more technical, we can talk about the fact that I have been continually harassed by my abuser and his friends since I was 17 until this day. If you look hard enough, I’m sure you can find their comments all over my social media. He and his friends are constantly posting about, commenting on, and messaging me in order to make sure I understand that they do not want me to tell the truth. The only real reason this is important to mention is because when we talk about abuse we often assume that it ends when someone has escaped from the relationship. I’m here to tell you that that’s often not the case. If we want to understand and support survivors, we need the whole truth. 

My survival story is the reason I am so passionate about ending domestic violence. My story is what makes me relatable. My story is what helps connect me to the people who need to hear it the most. I wouldn’t be half the advocate that I am if I didn’t know firsthand what abuse looks like, or if I hadn’t seen the hope that exists on the other side of it. It is essential that I and every other survivor has the strength to tell their story so that we create space for those who need to speak up. The stigma around survivors is one of the reasons survivors stay silent. They find it easier to be quiet than to endure the awful treatment that comes with standing up and speaking out. My story helps people in every stage of an abusive situation, from identifying red flags in the very beginning to navigating life afterwards.

One last thought I’ll leave you with is this: when we stop holding people accountable and stop speaking out, abusers win. They get to keep harming others without consequences. So no, I do not ever think it has been “long enough”. It will never be “long enough” that my passion to help others and end domestic violence will cease to exist. I will always be a survivor, and I will always be an advocate. Not because I have to be, or because of something that was done to me; but because I am the girl who refused to be broken. I choose to live my life in a way that uplifts others and inspires change. 

I encourage you to find ways you can do the same. What can others learn from your story? How can you lead others to a brighter future?

Committing to Confidence - a Blog Series by Katelyn Andrist

 Life is always trying to teach you…learn, listen, and reflect.

To create balance, one must be enough for oneself.

The rest of the world can wait.

Take time for you <3

-Katelyn Andrist