Surprise!

A few months back I was struck by the idea of creating a space to follow the local delegates on their journey to becoming Miss New York. Only I wanted to remain anonymous for as long as I could get away with it so there wouldn’t be any pressure to participate in takeovers or highlights! 

Well some of our New York queens started figuring out it was me - your friendly neighborhood grief girl. I was unable to attend state this year for a handful of reasons but the main one being i wanted to study abroad in Ireland which was the biggest dream come true of my academic career. If we’ve never met, allow me to reintroduce myself, I’m Lexy, I’m 25 years old from Western New York. I’m originally from Olean, but moved to Rochester when I was little. Pageants weren’t part of my life until 2020, and my first ever one was virtual! I loved every aspect, and through the years I found my voice. Seriously- I didn’t speak outside of my own home until I was like 20 lol. 

At 13 I was diagnosed with Autism after being given an earlier diagnosis of ADHD. As a teenager i developed anxiety after we lost my Uncle to an overdose. None of my peers had experienced loss of a human relative yet, and I felt so alone. It’s been 9 years since that day and I’ve lost 20+ others since. In those 9 years I created three different service initiatives based around him, our family’s little free library where each book is stamped with his memory is one. My international grief support group is two, and most notably is my Ricky’s Lunches With Love bags. Where brown paper bags are sent from every state to be used for outreach purposes. Sometimes it’s a sandwich, sometimes it’s a pair of socks, but each time it helps save a life in my county. 

Ricky isn’t the only one I honor through my Be The Light inititave, it’s also my Grammy Susan. Her grief was so intense she lost her life to it. Technically it was Lung Cancer but it was accelerated by losing Ricky. To honor Gram I work with Worth More Nation as their National Social Media Director. She spent a lot of her life overcoming trauma, and that’s the mission of WMN. It was a natural fit for me once WMN found me, Founder Sandy scooped up this sad college kid and helped her grow into a confident business owner. It’s been an honor serving behind the scenes, and I truly encourage you all to help support the org! 

Outside of pageantry, I’m a senior at Nazareth University and I spend a lot of time with my kitten Marshmallow Meowholland. She’s the light of my life and I’m convinced she’s my actual child. When I’m not with the kitten, I love traveling especially to my beloved Niagara Falls. I’m a grown up theatre kid and still try to catch a show when I can! I currently am exclusively self employed freelancing social media management and look forward to working full time in Marketing post grad! I love playing Minecraft with my little brother and introducing him to my favorite shows such as Doctor Who and Bones! 

With my advocacy work, Autism and Grief may sound like two different topics, but in my lived experience it’s because I’m autistic that I grieve the way I do. Autism isn’t my CSI, nor has it ever been, but it is part of me I cannot change. At the end if the day I’m here to share the story of my family, and use those experiences to help others feel less alone. I am proof that you can rise above your circumstances, and by turning your grief to action you can persevere. I hope you’ll forgive the secrecy around my identity, I wanted the focus to be on the class of 2026 and not on the girl behind the screen. 

I can’t wait to meet you all at Miss New York 2027, or our 2027 FLUNY local! Until then, we will keep celebrating our new queens, and what you all do post Miss NY. 

All my love, 

Lexy 

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Lexy Hearn is the current Administrator at New York's Sweetharts. You can follow her on their Instagram. She also works tirelessly for Worth More Nation at their Instagram.

This is her first guest blog for Section 36 Forevers. 

The Stage Where I Couldn’t Breathe

By Caitlyn McTier

“Congratulations to our preliminary winners! We can’t wait to see everyone back here tomorrow when we crown Miss New York 2025.” That was the last phrase I remember before everything went black–or blurry–or honestly, I’m not even sure what. All I know is that my heart was beating out of my chest, and something wasn’t right.

Time started melting together. The next thing I remember, I was collapsing into my mother’s arms during visitation after the final night of preliminary competition. Within minutes, I was ushered to a back room where a kind hostess brought me a hot tea, a cookie, and a comforting hug.

“Oh honey,” she said. “These are all the things I like when I have a panic attack.”

A panic attack.

A panic attack?

Was that what was happening? I had never felt anything like it before.

About 30 minutes passed with just my mom–who I might’ve given her own panic attack just from how emotional I was–until I eventually rejoined the group. I took photos, spoke to little girls, smiled for the cameras. Then somehow, I woke up the next morning and competed in the finals for Miss New York. And big surprise…I lost. But my best friend won. And in that moment, I felt overwhelming joy for her. I also felt the most physically depleted I’d ever been, after a long week battling not just the mental but also a sinus infection.

One of the hardest parts of pageantry is the unspoken expectation to always be “on.” The judges don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes. They’re judging what they see in 90 seconds of talent or a 10-minute interview. And that’s their job. But sometimes, no matter how much you prepare, life happens. And I believe in divine timing–sometimes the door doesn’t open because it’s not meant for you.

After Miss New York week, I made appointments with both my physician and my therapist, trying to make sense of what had happened. Turns out, a big contributor was that I had recently gone off a medication that negatively affected my health. On top of that, I was dealing with personal challenges I’d been pushing off with a “deal with it after Miss New York” mindset. I hadn’t listened to my body in the weeks leading up to competition. I was so focused on the goal that I completely neglected my health. That moment made me question if I even wanted to return to pageants at all.

I’m what some might call a Miss America enthusiast. I’ve competed since I was 13 in the teen program, and let’s just say I’m now 26. I’ve never missed watching a Miss America pageant. My mom was a dressing room mom for Miss Alabama throughout my childhood, and I grew up wanting to be just like the pretty girls on stage. I’ve even been around long enough to have competed during the swimsuit era.

So it was hard–really hard–to imagine my pageant journey ending on such a negative note, with no closure. I knew I wanted to come back, but I had to get over my fear of stepping back on the stage where I last couldn’t breathe.

I waited. And waited. Until the very last day to apply for my local title: Miss Manhattan.

But I did it. I applied. And yes, I was still scared.

Spoiler alert: I won the pageant.

To some, it may have looked like just another crown.

To me, it was proof that I had faced a fear head-on–publicly–and refused to let it win.

It’s been almost a year since my first major panic attack. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that mental health doesn’t get fixed overnight.

In the first seven months that followed, I had more minor episodes. Some days, getting out of bed felt impossible. Being the “girl boss” everyone expects me to be? Even harder. I lost friendships–people who didn’t understand what high-functioning anxiety or depression looks like, or who didn’t know how to support someone who isn’t always smiling. That was hard to accept. But I’m also grateful for the people who stayed–my family, my friends–who lifted me up when I was literally on the ground. Who helped me laugh on the days I felt too sad to speak.

I often think about Cheslie Kryst and the pain she must have felt leading up to her death in 2022. Pageants can make us feel like we’re being authentic—but the truth is, many of us are hiding a lot.

I’m writing this because whether I win Miss New York or not, I want to show up authentically. Even though a part of me is scared–scared that a judge might read this and decide I’m unfit for the job–I’m telling my story anyway. Because being a titleholder isn’t just about the next crown. It’s about using your platform to help even one person feel less alone.

“Far too many of us allow ourselves to be measured by a standard that some sternly refuse to challenge and others simply acquiesce to because fitting in and going with the flow is easier than rowing against the current.” – Cheslie Kryst

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Caitlyn McTier is the current Miss Manhattan (NY). You can follow her on her Instagram.

This is her first guest blog for Section 36 Forevers.