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| Photo: Jessielyn Palumbo |
Ever heard the quote, “Winning is first place, everything else is losing”? Recently at the 2022 Beijing Olympics, Alexandra Trusova, who is one of the greatest Russian Olympic figure skaters, earned second place in the world games. For most people, this would be an accomplishment of a lifetime but instead, she rampaged in a tantrum of frustration stating she would never skate again. Maybe our moments of rejection or failure aren’t so public nor far-reaching but we all have found ourselves in the depths of disappointment. I don’t actively tell myself that winning is everything but I find myself subconsciously thinking this from time to time when preparing for competitions. Below I will share some steps that have helped me when I’ve flopped and provided me with the strength to keep going.
First, to see the whole picture a little better, it might help to understand my background in competing. I never started out in pageants and never thought of myself as “that girl” but I’m glad I was wrong. Ever since childhood, I played in a variety of sports, jumped into local writing and talent contests, participated in statewide singing conferences, as well as auditioned for numerous theaters. That being said, I’ve had more rejections than acceptances. Eventually more and more of my days were viciously consumed by overthinking my flaws, comparing myself to the unrealistic expectations I held and fixated on the perfection I saw in others. I overlooked my own greatness, accomplishments, and my own potential. However, I took notice of these hindering beliefs I held and started to push back. Slowly, I started changing the way I talked to myself, how I spent my time, and how I perceived my life. With these steady and subtle changes, my life transformed in every aspect. Eventually, I enjoyed the challenges I faced and it helped set up a healthy mindset for each goal I set. Not only did objective goals like my run times or the repetitions of weights I could lift improved, but so did other goals such as my thoughts and feelings about others. I became joyful and proud of my peers for winning and wanted to support them the same way I would support myself.
First, to see the whole picture a little better, it might help to understand my background in competing. I never started out in pageants and never thought of myself as “that girl” but I’m glad I was wrong. Ever since childhood, I played in a variety of sports, jumped into local writing and talent contests, participated in statewide singing conferences, as well as auditioned for numerous theaters. That being said, I’ve had more rejections than acceptances. Eventually more and more of my days were viciously consumed by overthinking my flaws, comparing myself to the unrealistic expectations I held and fixated on the perfection I saw in others. I overlooked my own greatness, accomplishments, and my own potential. However, I took notice of these hindering beliefs I held and started to push back. Slowly, I started changing the way I talked to myself, how I spent my time, and how I perceived my life. With these steady and subtle changes, my life transformed in every aspect. Eventually, I enjoyed the challenges I faced and it helped set up a healthy mindset for each goal I set. Not only did objective goals like my run times or the repetitions of weights I could lift improved, but so did other goals such as my thoughts and feelings about others. I became joyful and proud of my peers for winning and wanted to support them the same way I would support myself.
Here are some things to practice and keep in mind when competing in sports or otherwise:
Time to Reflect:
This aspect of the preparation process can be the less glamorous part and it is difficult to see the hard truths we have to face. First, look at what needs improvement and what you aren’t happy with. It could even be something as straightforward as noticing that every time you see pictures from a certain person you follow on social media, you get overwhelmed. This could be related to feelings of comparison even if it’s not intentional. If you get teary-eyed or anxious thinking about your mock interviews, this could mean you’re feeling unprepared or had previously bad experiences that are spilling into your current situation.
Take Action Steps:
Some believe in the power of goal lists but having a fear list is just as powerful. Next to each fear you are experiencing (and get specific) write the reason why you feel that way and one or more action steps that will help ease your fear. For example, if you are afraid of speaking on a podcast, ask yourself why, and then write an action step of practicing your introduction then practicing the major talking points you’d like to speak upon. Additionally, organize and prioritize your schedule as needed. Find which tasks are the ones that are urgent and place them at the top of the list. Follow that up with tasks that you can slowly work or ones that are less urgent but need to get done that day. This organization and flow will help maintain an inner peace as you are preparing for your competition.
Mind Your Thoughts:
Feelings and thoughts become words and actions that make or break your competition experiences. This is true for top athletes across the world. Take notice of the limiting self beliefs and address them immediately. Do not let them sit and steep in your mind. Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you, books and podcasts that add to your growth, and tell yourself mantras or beliefs that focus on your strengths and give you hope. Do not allow more than a moment for self-doubt and thoughts of self-comparison. Realize that you are enough as you are, you will get better over time, and you are worthy of love and respect throughout the entire journey.
Hopefully these tips will help you find the inner strength to keep going as well as find a sense of camaraderie as you prepare for your local or state competitions. We are stronger together and your only competition is within yourself. In the words of Simone Biles, one of the distinguished gymnasts of all time, “A successful competition for me is always going out there and putting 100 percent into whatever I'm doing. It's not always winning….but for me, it's hitting the best sets I can, gaining confidence, and having a good time and having fun.”
-Francesca D’Alessandro Miss Metropolitan New York 2022
I can't thank Francesca enough for sharing this with us. I hope you enjoyed it!
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